Silver lining

Starting my sick morning

Bitten by anxiety

Feeling like I am always late for something

Believing that everyone else's needs are more important than mine

My heart beating ever faster to try and keep up with the madness

Believing all the bullshit I have been fed

Like I did not deserve a moment to myself

Never earning sympathy

Believing I am worth just as much as I make

Sweating every cent

Vacations out of the question 

Trying to crawl back to my bed

Trying to cheat the system 

But then, one day this is all going to break up 

I will go back to myself. 

I am enough. 

Birthday like gray spring

Another cold gray April morning. 

Spring as tender as my mood. 

I feel better but might not ever feel good. 

I had never imagined I would be these many years old.

Yet still feel like being worshipped

White hot in his hands

My tongue in his ear

Erupting from the center of the earth 

I never turned any older again 

I would never be another one 

Beyond this moment

Beyond his skin. 

Dunes

I am dry as the dessert

Cold as the night

May the sun take away all my sorrow

As it dips behind the dunes

May my heart beat again out of my chest

Between my legs

I am soft, quiet dessert

My skin is sand

I move with the wind

My moan so low it is inaudible as the wind howls. 

You can not hear me.

You can not see me.

But you can feel me.

I am the sansdstorm. 

I am not what I was when you started touching me. 

I am the infinite spotless dark sky. 

Emptiness in my eyes. 

But I smell like morning every day. 

May the sun rise on me one more time. 

I swallowed you. 

I am the dessert.