There are so many things that I would like to say but I can't find the words.

So I take my markers and color instead. You were never much of a word person, anyway.

And I always thought I was more interesting than what I actually am.

You need to take me to places so that we can have things to say.

Experiences I'd live with you and no one else.

Have a warm smile and the cold gone away for a while. 

For a while we laugh away the dread and I remember who I am.

Don't deny the petty favors I ask, you know you are all I have.

Don't get bitter, angry or sad.

Because this it, this is us, this moment:

Let us live and not waste time. 

Christmas 2024

 May your holidays be merry

and your sauce be cranberry. 

May your Christmas lights be bright

and your

turkey as tender as your heart. 

Border girl

 I've always thought of myself as a Tex-Mex border girl, though I am really not.

I am an echo from voices of the past. 

Grandma's mom was from Villa Ahumada and grandma lived in El Paso. 

I am the niece of my Tía Lilia, who lived on and off between El Paso and Chihuahua. 

I am the neighbor of the Chaviras, who owned acres of Walnut and lots of honey bees. 

Its is none of their fault that I feel foreign in my own home.

I am a chimera made with pieces from here, there, and nowhere near myself where would you find me. 

I am lost by the border. A little bit south from it. 

And is my sun still shining on the dessert? My heart belongs in the town by the dunes.

Insomnia

 Feel the air within

Filling the lungs, bringing oxygen to the brain. 

Feel the warmth of the bed, the comfort. 

Don't think. 

Silence. 

Never think. 

Let go into the realm of dreams. 

2024-03-21

 As long as I'm alive, you have my broken hands to fix you dinner.

Thank you for all your love and kindness. You can count on my unending devotion. 

If I had the words, I 'd say them to express how much I love you. But all I have is my weired, stupid self, this worn out body to take care of you.

And I' ll do my best to keep you. 

I love seeing you smile. 

All we have is this precious moment, before we return to the stars one day.

The tree

 The tree has been struck by lightning.

Its scars are there to be seen. Yet, the tree is no less tall. No less beautiful.

The tree is alive and springing with spring. 

Birds nest in its branches, its leaves sing along with the wind.

The tree was once struck by lightning... One day. But it is living every day. 

2024-03-13

 There's magic in your arms

They make me feel safe just by being there

You're my favorite place and time 

Your hair, my favorite blanket, I don't care

If there's no hot tub in our bedroom 

If there's no gnocchi for dinner

All I care about is wrapped around me

Breathing in my ear. 

Flowers

 You bought me flowers and I understood that we have this moment

So simple and futile like the Dr. Pepper shakes to drink up before they melts away. 

I'll hug you one more time just because I can. 

Unknown

 And I don't know where I am

And I don't know what I am for 

And I don't know what I want 

And I don't know what to do 

And I don't know if I would 

And I don't know what to wear

And I don't know about the future, be it five minutes, the next day, one month...

I don't know if you think of me 

I don't know how 

I don't know why 

I don't know when.