jueves, 29 de octubre de 2015

Role Model

"You shouldn't be like me" I'd tell her, "You're far more intelligent and prettier. You are not old, like me".

...And "being old" is not about being thirty, you know? Being old is about giving up on ourselves to become adults. It's about feeling numb and knowing all the answers. Because love and joy and happiness are unproductive and consume too much time. And, when one is old, one's always running out of time. Until you finally do run out of time.

Sometimes I had to brush my hair: The little one would come up to me and hand me the brush; then, she'd hand me the lipstick and a mirror. "I like it when you style your hair and paint your lips, mama", she'd say. "I'm not your mama", I would reply. "Oh, I know you're not my mama. But since my mother is at work and I am here at school, I have no mama here, and I don't want to be motherless. So can I call you mama?" Finding no valid reason to decline, I complied. Then she'd stand right in front of me, hand me the lipstick again, and tilt her head while giving me an intended look, pointing at her lips. She loved it when I pretended to do her lips with my lipstick.

"Why is Camille crying? -I asked my protegée- She says you took her cookies; is that true, dear?" "But of course, I didn't!" She responded, matter-of-factly. "That would be mean," said she, with a mischievous grin impossible for me to ignore, "Besides, I have no need to be taking anyone else's stuff. I have all the cookies in the world"... "Oh, that's great! -I said- then, you won't mind sharing some of these with her".

But the best of all was the surprise hugs. Those that came out of nowhere almost squeezing the life out of me. Except, she's tiny and such a thing would have never been possible. She said she could hug me better than her "real mama" because "She's chubby and I can not really wrap my arms around her". And then she'd add: "I'd like to be like you when I grow up". "You shouldn't be like me" I'd tell her, "that's too low for you; you're far smarter and more beautiful".

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