En tu duelo

En infinito telón azul se adivina la forma de la luna 

Que de lejos nos observa indiferente

Yo no soy la luna

Me puede tu dolor, pero estoy lejos 

Cómo quisiera poder acompañarte

Pero solo estoy aquí, escribiendo versos

Aunque sé que no hay palabras para consolarte

Mi existencia es muy trivial, perdona

Pero si de algo sirve, estoy aquí 

Para que la soledad no te coma

Porque sé lo que es, sé lo que se siente

En esta vida no hay más certeza que la muerte

Más siempre agradece que tuviste la suerte

El amor

Mira, que siempre es peor

No tener nada qué perder. 

And when you call me "beautiful"

I know I am not

But I know that you are not lying:

That is just the way you see me. 

Saturn bby Blue

There was a time when I had nobody. And then Ms.Blue came along. 

With that lovely face of yours, your personality. 

-Willful- grandpa said. 

Beauty goes beyond your name and your face. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. 

Thanks for teaching me how to overcome my fears. 

Sometimes I just want to go to your room, hold you tight and touch your hair: pretend you are still my baby. 

But you are all grown up, a beautiful strong woman. 

You make me so proud. 

Then I see you wearing my old tops or when we go to the store and you choose a dress that looks just like the one I had when I was your age. My heart warms at those memories, my precious daughter, but then some dark days come back from my past and I feel so relieved to have you next to me and I pray for better days for you. 

I hope that your light will always shine bright and that you drive your life better than I did mine. 

I love you. 

And always will. 

There was a time when I was nobody. And then I was your mom. 

Seventeen

I'll try to find a way to explain to you how I was. How my hips were sharp and my hands were long and my breasts so big in my otherwise tiny frame.

How I'd go out in a see-through white spandex shirt paired with jeans and I did not care. A true rebel at sixteen enjoying life even though I never felt beautiful.

Cause there were always others prettier than me. But I was the one wearing the lowest neckline.  I had the highest heels. I was the one ready to spend the night with you.

I would stick my hand beneath your jeans without batting an eye. You may not notice me at first, but surely you would hear about me. And maybe find a dark, lonely room where I could disgrace you. Or share bodily fluids or simply listen to music together.

And maybe later act like nothing happened. And I would never see you get old and gray. And if there ever was a "we", it would be locked and lost in that one moment. Because at seventeen life is not the same as it is at forty-something and desire seems more important than a home and fortune and because those days are never coming back, did they really happen?

I was the hero in my own story. But now, who is writing these lines? 

Carnivorous

And I may be a tiny, weak creature

One that does better on meatless food, one that needs her bed

You are such a big guy

A safe haven cause you want to

My heart beating in your hands bedazzles you

As you hear the music of my breath

Aware of my delicate frame posing before your big eyes

My tiny ribs, my tender legs, my pouty lips

Helpless at your whim, yet completely willing

I am here delighted, even if this were the last time

Soft and warm for your pleasure 

Cause we know life is like this

Some know how to break, some are meant to be broken

And choosing the one who breaks us

Is a privilege in a way

And I may be the prey you want 

Or just hot bait next to you in this bed

While you sleep all lush and large

But whichever way it goes

I chose you.

You are my prey tonight. 

2021-07-28

We watched Beastars season 2 finale. 

Sometimes love goes beyond our understanding. 

Love is strange. 

There is more healing power in his arms and his smile than in any pill.

Even broken, we are still capable of love.

There

Is

Hope. 

Beyond all expectations,

Quiet

So far from ordinary, unprecedented,

Surreal

¿Is this what people call love?