jueves, 28 de octubre de 2021

Confession to a Skeleton

As far as as he could remember, there hadn´t been a night as dark. Everything was complete silence. And the nauseating smell of blood, drying in the warm weather, rose from across the office floor, filling the room with a distinctive stench. Augie stayed still in his place behind the patient’s bed, wondering what had happened, to set this day so far apart from the rest.

Routine was always the same: the doctor came in at about eight every morning and greeted Augie with a smile and a quick hand gesture. Then, the nice lady came in and did the cleaning. Then, the patients. An endless parade of faces, voices, smells… occupied the doctor´s office every day. But not today. This day had been abnormally quiet.

What happened? The skeleton could not understand. For the first time, its tiny rubber bones ached mysteriously -a feeling he had never experienced before-. He never reckoned his shallow ribcage, but today it seemed so empty; as his entire existence. Almost four years in this world, and not a single reason for being. Always standing still in the same place. And this day seemed so tragic. Not because of the blood on the floor, or the absence of the doctor, but because of the chaos it brought along.

Time crept by so slowly. The morning came with faint light in beautiful hues of violet, pink and orange, all mixed with gray. And the silence… it was too much to bear. “Where did I go wrong?” The question echoed in Augie's empty skull, as he thought he perceived these words in a low whisper beside him. Augie turned slightly his head to the left, trying to see the person whose voice he seemed to recognize:

“Doctor!” The doctor responded with his regular greeting, only this time, he was genuinely surprised that someone could see him –even if that someone was a rubber skeleton model. Who felt lonely. Sad. Neglected.

-That blood, came from me?

The “bony” white little head jolted up and down in response. Augie is actually PVC and only 4ft. tall, but he identifies as an anatomically correct, beautiful human skeleton.

So... at last an answer. It was bleak and bleary, but nevertheless, an answer. And the memories began to flash back, from that ill-fated day:

-Arlena called me… I came to see her in the house we had shared. She said she wanted me back; I asked her to find a place of her own... we had breakfast together. I can´t really tell why, since I was supposed to go with my sister and niece that morning. However, I stayed in and ate with her. Then, she left for work; but I told her I would linger, in order to look for some books and x –rays I was needing to finish my paper. I was going through folders and documents in my old desk, when my stomach felt funny; a piercing pain radiated from my left side. I believed it was only bad digestion –funny how wrong my self-diagnose was. Then I decided to go to my office. I figured that I could take some remedy and lay down for a while… but soon after crossing the door, I collapsed. The pain went sharper. I gasped hopelessly for air. Blood gushed from my mouth and nose… And then: Darkness. Did I die?

Augie had been listening with attention; the doctor´s words gave some sort of explanation, somehow soothing the loneliness and despair, making things slightly clearer for both of them.

The maid came in, but not as early as usual. She had a latch with red carnations and a white rose, which she left on the doctor´s desk. She wasn´t wearing her uniform. She made the sign of the cross, as she began spraying watered chlorine to wipe off the blood with shaky hands and dripping eyes .

-I guess death is too confusing, too definite to make any sense at all... I should be alive! There are so many things I have to do… I am not ready for this... But, Augie: I´m afraid I´m dead.






lunes, 20 de septiembre de 2021

Happiness

Listen to Happiness.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/CWjY6


Life is not a happy ending

She is the strongest soul I've ever met 

And even she cries sometimes.

It is never easy. 

Dying a little occasionally is part of life. 

It is never easy. 

Only when I am with my cat. 

Otherwise, few things seem worth my while. 

But then I am here

In the flesh

Let me at least enjoy this mortal form while it lasts

I can feel the warm sun on my back. 

Taste good food, good drinks, a nice smoke. 

An exquisite bed to blow our mind. 

I want to live the moment. 

Also with her, the driving practice, 

Evenings at the mall. 

I do not know if Happiness exists. 

But I have known a few happy times. 

I cook your meal, buy you a shirt, 

Take care of the details. I like to belive I do good by you. 

So, at least while I am busy, my life has a purpose. That is why I like to care for you. 

While we keep up the search, however meaningless,

For that unicorn called "happiness". 

Mom tattoo

Today I saw this lovely doctor

She seemed forty-something and she was very sweet. She had a very traditional look, so much so that I was surprised when her patient complimented her on a very nice tattoo she had on her arm.

She said it was her mother's day present and it was very painful.

I just thought it was so sweet that she accepted to get a tattoo just because it was a present from her child.

I wonder what it was. I did not get to see it.

After this encounter, I might consider to get those mom + daughter tattoos my baby was suggesting a couple of years back. 

domingo, 19 de septiembre de 2021

The 80/20 rule

This is what I was yearning for

I could always see it. 

What is the point, if not living this? 

We live for these moments 

Cause there is not always sun. 

I don't care about what happens 

Outside of this room 

On any given day 

I taste my favorite flavor in your mouth 

I feel you touching my back

As long as you are willing to stay by my side

Happiness is today. 

Thank you for making me smile. 






miércoles, 15 de septiembre de 2021

Part 2

I've no more patience for you, my dear

Not even to write you a verse

And I can't now

I can't 

No matter how great you were

I know you are still the same

That is why, dear. 

Because I have changed 

You were saying all those words 

Doing all that shit to try to hide the fact

That I was way too good for you. 

You tried to keep me down because you knew 

The moment I got up I'd walk away. 

And now you are trying to make me feel sorry that I left? 

Fuck you

Again. 



martes, 7 de septiembre de 2021

En tu duelo

En infinito telón azul se adivina la forma de la luna 

Que de lejos nos observa indiferente

Yo no soy la luna

Me puede tu dolor, pero estoy lejos 

Cómo quisiera poder acompañarte

Pero solo estoy aquí, escribiendo versos

Aunque sé que no hay palabras para consolarte

Mi existencia es muy trivial, perdona

Pero si de algo sirve, estoy aquí 

Para que la soledad no te coma

Porque sé lo que es, sé lo que se siente

En esta vida no hay más certeza que la muerte

Más siempre agradece que tuviste la suerte

El amor

Mira, que siempre es peor

No tener nada qué perder. 


martes, 31 de agosto de 2021

And when you call me "beautiful"

I know I am not

But I know that you are not lying:

That is just the way you see me.