mi茅rcoles, 23 de noviembre de 2022

Pichu


 I know there are many cats out there:

Some are orange, others are stripped gray, elegant black, like little panthers, fluffy white... But Pichu is a special cat. Because she is my cat.

She has beautiful green eyes and very long whiskers. Her coat is fluffy warm, with white, orange and black hair. She has long, soft legs that seem to be fashioned from the finest plush. With gummy paws at the bottom, that I could play with all day. 

She has the heart of a scientist: always doing her research, because she is so curious. She learned how to go out of the house when she was bored, jumping out of the window from the second floor or sneaking through a hole in the mosquito mesh at the first floor. She would sneak in the kitchen and steal some food when nobody was looking and sometimes she would even hide her food under Andrea's bed, for later. She learned to knock down cups that were half full, so that she could drink the liquid. She was always ready when it was lunch time and she would call Andrea and bring her out of her room to the kitchen table to eat together as a family.

Pichu likes to go out with her friends. She wishes they could go to a kitty pizzeria for and eat together. I bet she'd order a cherry cola. Pichu looks like a white cloud against the blue sky when she is resting on the edge of our patio wall. She waits patiently under the sun until her favorite neighbor cats come looking for her. They all have fun playing tag.


domingo, 13 de noviembre de 2022

Foto

 Dices que me burlo de ti porque me mandaste la foto de tu cara y puse el emoji 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ

Pero no sabes que solo estaba tratando de replicar la expresi贸n, tan enigm谩tica como divertida, de tu rostro que resalta en el fondo obscuro de tu habitaci贸n.

En donde est谩s tan lejos de m铆. A miles de millas, bajo otro cielo, en otro clima, en otra realidad.

Dices que me burlo, pero no sabes cu谩nto te extra帽o. Cu谩nto desear铆a verte, no solamente en una foto, sino entre mis manos. No sabes cu谩ntas veces he sentido que se me nublan los ojos cuando te siento lejos. Cuando s茅 que lo est谩s pasando mal y no estoy para ayudarte...

Y lamento no haberte dicho lo que te digo siempre: que est谩s muy guapo, que me gusta mucho tu foto. Dices que ya te lo he dicho -soy muy repetitiva-pero aun as铆 ¿necesitas que te lo repita para que te sientas seguro?

Es verdad: te ves guap铆simo. Me encanta tu foto y tu sonrisa. Gracias por mand谩rmela. Gracias por hacer el esfuerzo por hacer una pose diferente. 

Y yo 

Yo necesito tu foto. 

Para sentirme segura. 


Necesito ver tu cara. Tus ojos. Necesito saber que te importo y que est谩s pensando en m铆. Tu foto va m谩s all谩 de un momento, de un detalle: es un poco de ti, mi amor. Al menos algo que puedo tener hoy. 


lunes, 7 de noviembre de 2022

Nov. 7th - 8th, 22

 You are a dot on the map. 

But as long as you keep moving, I can breathe easy. 

And then you send me a voice note, which I don't hate because I miss your voice. 

You rode from dawn til dusk and into the night by the lunar eclipse

Leaping through my phone

Nested in my mind

Like the eccentric light beam that you are. 

domingo, 25 de septiembre de 2022

Abridgment




Listen to Abridgement.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/QY4av 


I just wish for her to be happy.

They sold me this lie of "It's never too late".

How I wish I would have healed earlier

Before her time

And they keep saying "Love is enough" 

"Love will find a way" 

But that doesn't take away the scars. 

I see those photos from a few years ago where she is smiling 

I only want to see her smile 

Even if it is too late to make amends

Even if the happiest stories are not always the best

I just wish for her to be happy

And that is all I want. 



Birthmark

 When I first met you I could not understand your face

I believed there was a shadow under your right eye. 

Those eyes, the most captivating clear brown eyes I'd ever seen and I could see a little bit through them and they are fascinating. 

I could not trace your jaw bone beneath your thick beard. 

And your long, black hair was gathered in a braid. 

I could not believe your tiny mouth with those minimal lips, one hidden under your mustache and the other you were biting with those large teeth you were barely showing but kind of hiding. 

I imagined what it would be like to feel them. And your hands. Your thick, white neck. How it would be warm when I leaned there. 

Almost ten years later you are still a mystery to me in so many ways. Even though I have been the guardian of your life since, and you are are now part of mine, wrapped deep within my psyche in my fondest, dreariest, most unique memories.

And so here you are. How much more can I love you? How real are you, after all? 


jueves, 8 de septiembre de 2022

Mute

 I need to talk. Yet, I don't feel like talking.

I is such a big word now. Filling up a large part of the paper. And I need it small. I need this I to become small.

I need to go now where I've been planning to go. See new sights.

And it's best to think about which skirt goes with which blouse and which shoes. And become oblivious to the things in life that give me stress. Get my hair and nails done.

Put beauty before my eyes. Feel what I want to feel.

I need to talk. But I don't want to bother you with my low mood. So I am just writing here; am staying here for a while, acknowledging this deprived feeling. I'll try and rest later.

And then I may be able to talk to you tomorrow. 

domingo, 24 de julio de 2022

Future

I am far beyond gone now.

There is nothing here that speaks to me. 

Us, and perhaps our future. 

Rootless. Futureless.

Old ties broken long ago and now it is only you and my daughter. 

But children are not ours. We have them on loan for a while. Then they go and find thir own way.

So I guess that makes it just you and me. 

s谩bado, 23 de julio de 2022

Absolutes

You are myself times thousand

My reality 

My deepest dream

The part of me that is not tired

I stopped believing that you could exist 

Until one day I came into your life like a ghost 

And all the good luck in the world 

Would have never been enough just to find you 

And have me rooted to this earth by your warm skin and your smell

If I could make you into a sandwich and tea

And have you any given afternoon 

In the cool darkness of our room... 


May those moments be eternal

Like nothing else ever existed. 



domingo, 26 de junio de 2022

Dream of Summer

Listen to Dream of Summer.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/jdoKK


I dream of my summer in shorts

I dream that my bones are not achy and we are in a garden under the sun

And we have time. 

My dreams are a garden warm and humid and fruity and lazy afternoons with the fan on

And waterslides and iced tea.

My dreams are in the nineties.

Those true summer days seem so far away.

The sun's not even the same.

I want to look around and find a reason to smile in this day and time

Solstice

At 27 Celsius

This may be a normal day. 

martes, 21 de junio de 2022

Rain

Listen to Rain ❤️.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/QidZF



This rain, like a stranger's touch on my skin

All lush and fresh, completely welcome

A line of light in the dark and then the thunder 

And the drops of water slapping the thirsty floor one by one

Like an endless parade of kisses

I click my tongue to the rythm

And inhale its wet smell. 

martes, 14 de junio de 2022

My high

Babe, I know that you are not happy.

You are way too smart for that

But I don't care. I just want to see you smile.

I would keep the sky cloudy for you if I could

Your laughter is my high

You are the love I love the most

You are so dark yet you are my light

You are my forever more

I always want to keep you 

Always Happy

Baby, it's OK

You don't have to be the perfect tyrant that you dream about 

You can just be my child

Everywhere you look there is chaos, I know 

But know that you are strong

You are beloved

You are going to be just fine 

Despite this wretched world

Give me the gift of your smile 

I want to make belive that you are happy 

Even though I am well aware 

That you are too smart for that. 


mi茅rcoles, 8 de junio de 2022

All that matters

Get your nails done. Dance to the music.

The little details matter. You matter.

Doing as you please is therapy, too.

Turn your "happy" on, and turn down your worries.

Smoke that cigarette and drink that beer.

After all, there is only one life, but work is endless.

Get the nails done

and don't ever forget that you matter.

martes, 26 de abril de 2022

Daughter

May you remember me when I am gone

may you miss my baking and my cooking,

may you remember me through common flavors 

and try to find me in your own cooking, your own baking.

May you pass my love on to your loved ones through those flavors.


May you miss speaking English with me 

and whenever you have no one around to converse with,

may you miss my presence and those times of nonstop chatter

about nothing and everything, and may you then be certain 

of how much I loved you and how precious you always were to me.


May we always be together.

May I have a life beyond my life to love you and to protect you.

May you be the happiest daughter as you have made me the happiest mother.




jueves, 21 de abril de 2022

Birds

Listen to Birds.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on 

Listen to Birds.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/MWp7q

Birds are chirping outside. I hear them sometimes from my desk, but here they're louder.

Sometimes I want to scream like one of them. I regret not having wings and not being able to fly. 

All the wild bue yonder would be mine. No more bank accounts needed. No appraisals from work.

There is so much to say, yet we remain quiet. 

I wish I could raise my voice like a bird

and everyday enjoy the sunshine. 


martes, 22 de marzo de 2022

Robot

Listen to Robot.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud

https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/P7Mmu


El sitio de Internet me pregunt贸 si soy un robot.

Por como me tratan en el trabajo, ya me hicieron dudar. Tal vez s铆 soy un robot.

Y mis sue帽os en realidad no lo son; s贸lo son el desempe帽o esperado por alguien que me program贸 en C#.

Mi interfaz est谩 un poco da帽ada debido al pobre mantenimiento. Pero mientras yo siga realizando mi funci贸n principal, a nadie le importa.

El caf茅 se ha vuelto un vicio.

Las pantallas, una necesidad. Funciono a base de energ铆a el茅ctrica y Wi-Fi.

Cada ma帽ana abro mis ojos y hay cosas que tengo que hacer. ¿Por qu茅 no puedo elegir mi d铆a? 

A veces estornudo y se sorprenden. Y yo necesito tomar unos minutos. ¿Es fraude estornudar en horas de trabajo?

Califique usted del 1 al 5, donde 1 es deficiente y 5 excelente, el servicio que le he brindado hoy. 

En fin... El deber me llama. Un robot debe cumplir las 贸rdenes dadas por seres humanos. 


viernes, 18 de marzo de 2022

Places

Listen to Places.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/vN8Zg


There are places I want to go

I just don't know how to get myself there yet.

I haven't found the right opportunity

But I'll keep looking.

I am hoping for a second home

A place of growth and challenge, where I can be human. 

I want to be me. 

We all need some acceptance sometimes.

When you come from a difficult background, sometimes it is difficult to believe that you deserve better. But you deserve better. I deserve better.


mi茅rcoles, 16 de marzo de 2022

Blyatboy

https://soundcloud.com/raine-johana-denisse/blyatboy-m4a/s-yKblXpdptZi?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Steal my smile

Be my saddle to ride 

Make my life livable 

Stroke my thighs

Nuzzle my hair

Keep me up all night

Breathe into my ear

Drive me "crazy good"

Let me lose myself in your eyes

Raise my heart rate and lower my panties

and pull yourself close to me

ever closer under the covers

Say my name

Call it out loud

Love me and forget me

Give me what I want

mi茅rcoles, 2 de marzo de 2022

Raincloud

https://soundcloud.com/raine-johana-denisse/raincloud-m4a/s-x13bTDScJQJ?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing


The Rolling Stones said "She's a rainbow"

The Arctic Monkeys said "Crying Lightning"

I personally don't think she's either. 

To me, she's a raincloud most of the time

all beautiful and smelling like petrichor, 

all gray and complicated 

and making things better only when she wants

because she can.

So perhaps she is the rainbow and the lighting

and the cloud and everything in between

but I am just tired of getting wet 

and I don't know how to bring the sunshine 

and get her to enjoy a sunny day

because I love swimming pools 

and she has a hot bikini body

but still prefers the raincloud and she hates the beach

and I would like to tell her "Brace yourself

because life is going to hit you hard" -yes, even harder-

and I am going to be there for you

but I don't know if you'll want me

because I was so stupid some time ago

because I didn't do things your way

because I respond to your apathy in a way that you find abusive

and I don´t want to abuse you but I just can't wait

forever for you to do your chores while you're out 

with your friends and you think everything else is more important

and you're taking me for granted but then I get mad 

and can't help but become a bitch 

and then you get mad because I am a bitch -which I know I am and I am sorry-

but I wasn't like that when I told you first and you're just testing my limits.

She's a raincloud and I can't be the eternal umbrella.

And I know she'll say she doesn't need an umbrella but at the end of the day

this is her home. For now.

Maybe later, when she can afford her own, she'll go away.

And that is not because I want her to go, but it is her who says she can not stand me.

I don't know. I just ask her to make lunch and wash the dishes once a week.

And to smile once in a while. 

I don't know.

How does one love a raincloud?





mi茅rcoles, 16 de febrero de 2022

War

And there were dry flowers hanging from the vase.

Even fleeting roses outlive your will.

The world is at war but you are not my trench.

I tried to be your sword lily. Your bunker.

I tried so hard to blossom in you. 

8 to 5

One good day they found my dignity for sale

And I got an offer I could not refuse

My intelligence misplaced, my life misused

For living and surviving are not the same thing

One day I gave them the right to tell me I am not enough

My passion dead somewhere along eternal shifts and backhanded compliments

Never had I been in an ark so toxic

Yet I show up and smile everyday 

If I am not worth that much, then go ahead, pay less

But you don't have to be that way

Sorry to disappoint you

I'm not what you expected but you're all I've got for now

Each cent you've given me I've repaid with each second of life

And now the love of me, my wellness, is all gone

You managed to turn into a dreadful hole what used to be my core

My excitement into boredom 

I don't recognize myself anymore. 

viernes, 7 de enero de 2022

Alone in January

I still dream of his vanilla skin and his thin lips

even though I know he is an island a thousand miles away from me.

In a different planet... I wonder if love exists there 

in the cold Nevada winter

safely hidden away from me

or if it is how I had imagined.


Is it too much to ask for? Or am I always chasing after impossibles?

-Different reasons- my friend said.

He makes me crazy to the point I need a chill pill.

I wish him here with me. He wishes I was there with him

Yet, being together does not always mean being close 

and this is not a game, you know?

So let me feel these hours

Sours

Maybe you will later let me know how you feel

Is it really cold in here? Or is it just your heart?

mi茅rcoles, 5 de enero de 2022

"I miss you" are powerful words because it implies that there is something incomplete. What you are is incomplete in a way from lack of my presence. Which in turn implies that I am of value to you, that I am important and I have a place within you important enough for you to miss me whenever we are not together.

So don't ever underestimate the power of telling someone "I miss you".