Grandeur

 This life is grand

Your love is big, you know?

I end up fatigued, dizzy, light-headed

By midnight I'm done and in my bed

So hyped up I cannot sleep

With two legs I cannot stretch

Always chasing after the next catch

I'm in a hotel balcony

For once heaven does not seem so far

I'm with him and I'm with her

I paid for breakfast, lunch and dinner

I did it because I can

A landlord, the kingpin of this home

I'm unwilling to be with the unworthy,

So here I am by myself

In this zenith of life where I hold them

In love

In our day to day

I'm listening, sweetheart

I'm yours.

I'm almost in love with myself.

 

Domestic affair

Take me one day at a time

grumpy

naked 

unprepared

barely awake

irrational

by bulk

starting everywhere

to never end

yelling at yet another house chore not done today

hysteric

horrified at my reflection in the mirror

mesmerized by your smell

scolded by my own daughter

bored by the same food

drawn in by your taste.

Take me away

make this while be worth

love me as much as I never could

as much as I love you unadmittedly

as long as you're keeping me alive.

 

202007

My body is achy.
It's foreign and dull
It's made of popcorn and paper
Brittle and frail.

And it feels like I'd like to pause and not be, because this thing here is not life. Life is supposed to be trees and rain showers outdoors, long walks; not a bent spine. This is not my life.

But my body is busy right now making money.
Maybe I can check in with myself later.
Maybe I'll find another way
Now that I ended up constructing this into love.
But who knows and who cares, anyway.

I'm busy right now.
I love you.
Sometimes it's hard to see through  myself.

0303

So here I am, looking at somebody else's travel photos.
Looking at somebody else's husband,
Seeing lovely food I won't be eating.

I miss the time when I was yearning.
When looking ahead in the horizon distracted me from seeing this decomposed joke of my life.

No more time for brooding
Back aches plague me, my bones claiming the right to move and to be in the sunlight.

Why am I too tired to dream?
All the "pretty" and "sweet" is faded,
all pleasure's gone away.

Memorial

I was wondering how you'll remember me.
Are you going to miss me moving life along for you once I'm gone?
My bossy face
this face that always cared
whether you've eaten or not
if you're feeling well or how your day went
The dean of your life or maybe a dictator
or a ballast
Are you even going to remember that I loved you?

Vida laboral

Hay noches en las que no me oigo ni yo misma
porque el ruido ensordecedor del día ha desgastado mis oídos
- o me ha fastidiado, provocando sordera selectiva-.
Es tan oscuro que no puedo escuchar mis propios pensamientos
no tengo tiempo para mí
no alcanzo a comer, no alcanzo a descansar, solo se repite la sucesión de horas y días
La misma rutina de áridos minutos que duelen,
de segundos abarrotados
y grises que nunca son suficientes.

Victory

That is the moon and it's my moon
While we're up high on the eleventh story
Y estamos nerviosos como adolescentes
Y abajo la vida continúa,
Mientras que nosotros hicimos una pausa
And it is silent because we don't know how to say what we should be saying
Nadie habla ni se atreve a romper el silencio
Porque después de las noches en vela,
Después de la fiebre y el ayuno
Silence is perfect
And we want to keep perfect as it is
Y ya no recordábamos cómo era la vida aquí afuera.