Mute

 I need to talk. Yet, I don't feel like talking.

I is such a big word now. Filling up a large part of the paper. And I need it small. I need this I to become small.

I need to go now where I've been planning to go. See new sights.

And it's best to think about which skirt goes with which blouse and which shoes. And become oblivious to the things in life that give me stress. Get my hair and nails done.

Put beauty before my eyes. Feel what I want to feel.

I need to talk. But I don't want to bother you with my low mood. So I am just writing here; am staying here for a while, acknowledging this deprived feeling. I'll try and rest later.

And then I may be able to talk to you tomorrow. 

Future

I am far beyond gone now.

There is nothing here that speaks to me. 

Us, and perhaps our future. 

Rootless. Futureless.

Old ties broken long ago and now it is only you and my daughter. 

But children are not ours. We have them on loan for a while. Then they go and find thir own way.

So I guess that makes it just you and me. 

Absolutes

You are myself times thousand

My reality 

My deepest dream

The part of me that is not tired

I stopped believing that you could exist 

Until one day I came into your life like a ghost 

And all the good luck in the world 

Would have never been enough just to find you 

And have me rooted to this earth by your warm skin and your smell

If I could make you into a sandwich and tea

And have you any given afternoon 

In the cool darkness of our room... 

May those moments be eternal

Like nothing else ever existed. 

Dream of Summer

Listen to Dream of Summer.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/jdoKK

I dream of my summer in shorts

I dream that my bones are not achy and we are in a garden under the sun

And we have time. 

My dreams are a garden warm and humid and fruity and lazy afternoons with the fan on

And waterslides and iced tea.

My dreams are in the nineties.

Those true summer days seem so far away.

The sun's not even the same.

I want to look around and find a reason to smile in this day and time

Solstice

At 27 Celsius

This may be a normal day. 

Rain

Listen to Rain ❤️.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/QidZF

This rain, like a stranger's touch on my skin

All lush and fresh, completely welcome

A line of light in the dark and then the thunder 

And the drops of water slapping the thirsty floor one by one

Like an endless parade of kisses

I click my tongue to the rythm

And inhale its wet smell. 

My high

Babe, I know that you are not happy.

You are way too smart for that

But I don't care. I just want to see you smile.

I would keep the sky cloudy for you if I could

Your laughter is my high

You are the love I love the most

You are so dark yet you are my light

You are my forever more

I always want to keep you 

Always Happy

Baby, it's OK

You don't have to be the perfect tyrant that you dream about 

You can just be my child

Everywhere you look there is chaos, I know 

But know that you are strong

You are beloved

You are going to be just fine 

Despite this wretched world

Give me the gift of your smile 

I want to make belive that you are happy 

Even though I am well aware 

That you are too smart for that. 

All that matters

Get your nails done. Dance to the music.

The little details matter. You matter.

Doing as you please is therapy, too.

Turn your "happy" on, and turn down your worries.

Smoke that cigarette and drink that beer.

After all, there is only one life, but work is endless.

Get the nails done

and don't ever forget that you matter.