Abridgment

Listen to Abridgement.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/QY4av 

I just wish for her to be happy.

They sold me this lie of "It's never too late".

How I wish I would have healed earlier

Before her time

And they keep saying "Love is enough" 

"Love will find a way" 

But that doesn't take away the scars. 

I see those photos from a few years ago where she is smiling 

I only want to see her smile 

Even if it is too late to make amends

Even if the happiest stories are not always the best

I just wish for her to be happy

And that is all I want. 

Birthmark

 When I first met you I could not understand your face

I believed there was a shadow under your right eye. 

Those eyes, the most captivating clear brown eyes I'd ever seen and I could see a little bit through them and they are fascinating. 

I could not trace your jaw bone beneath your thick beard. 

And your long, black hair was gathered in a braid. 

I could not believe your tiny mouth with those minimal lips, one hidden under your mustache and the other you were biting with those large teeth you were barely showing but kind of hiding. 

I imagined what it would be like to feel them. And your hands. Your thick, white neck. How it would be warm when I leaned there. 

Almost ten years later you are still a mystery to me in so many ways. Even though I have been the guardian of your life since, and you are are now part of mine, wrapped deep within my psyche in my fondest, dreariest, most unique memories.

And so here you are. How much more can I love you? How real are you, after all? 

Mute

 I need to talk. Yet, I don't feel like talking.

I is such a big word now. Filling up a large part of the paper. And I need it small. I need this I to become small.

I need to go now where I've been planning to go. See new sights.

And it's best to think about which skirt goes with which blouse and which shoes. And become oblivious to the things in life that give me stress. Get my hair and nails done.

Put beauty before my eyes. Feel what I want to feel.

I need to talk. But I don't want to bother you with my low mood. So I am just writing here; am staying here for a while, acknowledging this deprived feeling. I'll try and rest later.

And then I may be able to talk to you tomorrow. 

Future

I am far beyond gone now.

There is nothing here that speaks to me. 

Us, and perhaps our future. 

Rootless. Futureless.

Old ties broken long ago and now it is only you and my daughter. 

But children are not ours. We have them on loan for a while. Then they go and find thir own way.

So I guess that makes it just you and me. 

Absolutes

You are myself times thousand

My reality 

My deepest dream

The part of me that is not tired

I stopped believing that you could exist 

Until one day I came into your life like a ghost 

And all the good luck in the world 

Would have never been enough just to find you 

And have me rooted to this earth by your warm skin and your smell

If I could make you into a sandwich and tea

And have you any given afternoon 

In the cool darkness of our room... 

May those moments be eternal

Like nothing else ever existed. 

Dream of Summer

Listen to Dream of Summer.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/jdoKK

I dream of my summer in shorts

I dream that my bones are not achy and we are in a garden under the sun

And we have time. 

My dreams are a garden warm and humid and fruity and lazy afternoons with the fan on

And waterslides and iced tea.

My dreams are in the nineties.

Those true summer days seem so far away.

The sun's not even the same.

I want to look around and find a reason to smile in this day and time

Solstice

At 27 Celsius

This may be a normal day. 

Rain

Listen to Rain ❤️.m4a by Raine (Johana Denisse) on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/QidZF

This rain, like a stranger's touch on my skin

All lush and fresh, completely welcome

A line of light in the dark and then the thunder 

And the drops of water slapping the thirsty floor one by one

Like an endless parade of kisses

I click my tongue to the rythm

And inhale its wet smell.